The Heart of the Matter

This was an email I was writing to someone. I thought it spoke to what I am feeling and learning right now, and I wanted to share it with you.

I am just learning one day at a time with my kids. The biggest thing I am learning right now is have fun with them. Have a gentle voice and actions with them.

But in the midst of this never for one little second let them get away with anything.

Not one look, one small disobedience, not even the tinest disrespect. I have started quickly being the judgement seat with no big production, just quick, consistent, firm and low key.

I don't ask them twice to do something. When I tell them to do something, I watch and if they don't start to do it, I quietly take them by the hand and lead them into my bedroom.

The first few days they thought "what is going on here?" But now that they know that they are not going to get away with some things - some of the time.. they usually don't even try to. They know that they don't get any second chances anymore... and our conflicts are way down.

They have a mother that is not stressed out. They have a mother that they know is in charge, and they feel confident that I am going to hold them accountable for that.

This is a learning experience for me. This has not been how I used to parent. In fact just a few months ago, I was describing a situation with my daughter to my pastor's wife and she told me. Spank her! I thought... no that doesn't work on my child. I spanked her so much when she was little and it has only hardened her against me.

But then again I have only been characterized by disciplining on certain issues. I didn't firmly establish my authority. I have always been wishy washy in that I did not expect and enforce absolute obedience, only obedience to some things. I would only discipline if as situation became out of control or inconvenient.

And for those of you that know me, I am not an angry person. So you know I didn't get mean and ugly when things didn't get my way. But discouraged? Oh yes. Crying, yes? Why wouldn't this child obey me? I explained God's Word? I spanked? I asked nicely.

But really my discipline did not bring peace, it just brought more conflict. I guess the Bible is true, Proverbs 29:15 The rod and reproof give wisdom, But a child who gets his own way brings shame to his mother.