I know it is a stupid question, but I was faced with it yesterday. I should have had the brochure I designed for the homeschool conference proofed. It looked great! But there were simple mistakes all over it.
I felt like a complete idiot and had the "old" pit in my stomach that comes when I make this huge mistake and think other people think I am incompetent.
Then I thought about it. I get so mortified about what people think that my stomach is in knots, but with my God... I don't feel mortified enough on a regular basis.
But surely there are many things that I say and do each day that go "unproofed" that are an offense in His sight. Pride for one?
I want to live a life that is without any mistakes, oversights, embarrassment... but most of all ... I am so sure of myself, so proud and so eager to have applause .. that when I goof up, I crash hard... because I am Charlotte... the great?
Well... not so great obviously.
Let him who thinks he stands, take heed lest he fall.
Let another man praise you.
God gives grace to the humble.
So here I am, facing the issue of pride in my own life. Hating to admit that I am prideful. Hating to look at the mirror and not like what I see.
Thank you Lord for your forgiveness. Thank you friends for always believing the best.
2 comments:
I think your feelings are perfectly normal, and perfectly explainable. Let me see if I can say this right. I honestly think we humans are harder on ourselves and on each other, than God is. God made us and knows what we are capable of and is not surprised by ANY of our behaviour, good or bad. When you are worried of your peers judgement, that is right because you're peers are judging you. However you aren't so worried what God thinks because you know in your heart that despite all your mistakes, sin and internal goof ups, HE WILL ALWAYS LOVE YOU AND ALWAYS SEE'S YOU AS YOU ARE, WHITE AS SNOW, covered in Christ's righteousness. Christ's work on the Cross was final, and left you beautiful and white and HIS child, and He loves you desperately. You WANT to please Him, out of the gratitude of your heart but you must know you do NOT have to earn that love any longer. Christ earned it for you. The Debt is paid in full. We humans are far harder on ourselves that God is; He is not surprised by your goof ups, your moments of "not so great" but He unlike You isn't going to hold it against you. Forgetting what is behind and pressing on to the things ahead.
I think this guilt over such things, is the devils ploy to keep us from enjoying the freedom and joy that can be ours, today, in Christ. See the sin, confess it and move on.
While I think a Godly fear can be a good thing, I think it should be the love and gratitude that drives us to good works, not a fear of dissapointing.
While we were yet sinners, Christ died for us. Do you think Gods love has lessened since that event? Do you think He regrets that decision to send His only son?God knew that you, Charlotte the not always great, was one of the little ones he was saving when he turned his face away from His Son as He took all your sin, past, present and future, onto Himself. Stand in that.
I think we all have those kinds of days. There are all kinds of things I've beat myself up about thinking, "What does everyone think of me now?" over things that most of my friends will allow love to cover the shame. I struggle with that insidious pride thing, too, wanting to hide my insecurities from everyone.
Aren't you so grateful that,truly, Christ's love and sacrifice and resurrection guarantee that our sin and true shame are washed away? Take heart in that!
By the way, I enjoyed visiting with you last week, too. I hate that I'm missing CBS this morning, but our AC died and they are coming to fix it today, so, here I sit at home.
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